Dynamic Dust

In conversation with HP Board topper 2016

10:55

CHANGE

08:56

Bit by bit, little by little, life goes on and on….

You don’t realize the change but you only feel it, feel it like a thorn hurting you. You don’t realize the change but once it is done, you appreciate each and everything. You appreciate each positive moment full of happiness and cherish negative moments which has made you hurt because these are moments which had pulled you back to move forward with more speed.

Every little thing which we’d felt at a moment not worthy was a simple step of our evolution. We might take a step back by thinking that whatever we are thinking is rubbish or has no value or use but sincerely our every action possesses a value. Everything leaves a mark. Even I am writing this article now, this will surely a change for something. I may not be realizing it and carving words of my heart in it but maybe after a long time when I’ll be reading it, things will be surely different and no matter what I’ll be smiling on it.

I feel restless when I got free time. It’s like I need some work or something to do every time. It has become my routine and without it, restlessness surrounds me. Now I feel wastage of time when I don’t utilize my energy for something productive.

One or two years back, I’d a lot of free time chatting with friends and wasting a lot of time just in fantasy and sleep. What it had gifted to me was a loss!

I lost my passion, my ways, my dreams and I became a blank page. All my dreams were lost. I was lost. I was thriving for something and I didn’t even know that. Something was disturbing which I was unable to figure out until it became my need to remain busy. In that particular time, I wanted to discover myself. I wanted to be same as I was. A happy, cheerful, thoughtful and hard working girl that was confident enough to bring change in this world. Now, I was lost and this world had changed me. I had become weak. I wanted to get my strength back. I wanted my confidence back which I’d almost lost.

Yeah, it needed time but at least I reached at the right track. There were many difficulties but whatever I wanted to be, I reached again at that destination. Obviously, I can’t be exactly same as I was but yes I am not the one I didn’t want to be. I have tensions, problems but above all now I have myself.

A lot of things occur and they taught us the way of living. I used to think that I have enough experiences to know and judge the world but it was not the case. Experiences are never ending part of life. We need to maintain and love our originality. We need to understand ourselves from within.

It depends only on you whether you want to bring a change or to become someone’s change. Better you choose former one because later one will make you to strive for former!

hmm...Someday!

09:19

“If you are waiting for someone to hold you up from the misery you are going through, then stop waiting my friend. Nobody’s going to come to you and ask you to walk with them; nobody will help you to heal because nobody could do it my friend. They don’t even know your pain; they hadn’t witnessed situations you have gone through. Nobody will even understand you better than yourself. The person you are waiting for to save you from all those painful feelings is you my dear. No one will know your ways better than you. Nobody could choose the best for you. It’s you who knows yourself best.”

I was a girl who had constantly fought with demons which didn’t even belong to me. They were not my creations. Like a free bird, I always wanted to fly. Unfamiliar to this world, I had my own world of dreams. But the demons of judgment were thrown on me. They made me ache; they made me weep but I had belief to do something; something which would silently slap these demons. I wanted to fight with society which is just not more than bullshit.

I had courage to fly high; to rise above the horizon but suddenly, I started to suspect myself. I lost my confidence. These demons and their ideal principles started taking a step over me. They started to occupy me. Unaware of the fact, I went into the dark deep sea of these demons.

As I grew up, every day, a new battle was waiting for me. I started to enter in this fake world and its principles started to overcome me. I stopped doing what I was supposed to. I forgot what goals I wanted to achieve and one more victim of broken dreams formed on this earth.

I thought someday someone will come and help me out from this mess. I became struck at a point. I wanted to move and tried but all those demons suppressed me.

These demons converted a girl who was all time radio to a girl who is shy and reserve. It’s now difficult for me to open up to anyone. It’s not like I don’t trust people but now I know they are not the ones who will provide me a remedy. There is no need to tell people what you are gone through.

When I started to discover the need to address myself first, I understood that the person I was ever searching for was me. I have lost the faith that someone will come and ask me to walk along with them.

I don’t ask people to do a favor on me nor even can I. I don’t tell people that I need them even when I need them at worst. I don’t know what destination I will reach by this but surely this has made me independent.

People can call me hard as rock but they don’t even know how much emotions and feeling are lying beneath an unspoken mouth. Words will surely be forgotten but the feelings which I am taking away with time will surely remain.

It’s like walking on seashore all alone with air touching your face, messing up with your hair, playing with your clothes and making you smile.

Of course I want somebody to walk with me; to cherish moments of life with me but I am not expecting somebody now to make me stand, to push me to walk with them b’cuz I know nobody could ever do that.

Maybe somewhere deep down, I want someday all these statements will be disproved and life could be like a fairy tale!